We go back in time for today’s alternative definition, for some tragic maritime sporting history;

“Battenberg” – The last, desperate game invented by the Titanic’s cricket team.

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Today’s alternative definition concerns a specialist menu;

“Organism” – A diet only consisting of offal.

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A vaguely topical entry in the alternative dictionary this week, concerning the farcical events in British politics;

“Matrix” – Whatever she tries to convince the EU she’s got it all under control.

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Two days off in the middle of the week and I still remembered it’s Wednesday, now that’s impressive. Anyway, here’s your weekly extract from the alternative dictionary;

“Romantic” – Nero’s nervous twitch.

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Another Wednesday, another entry in the alternative dictionary, this week brought to you by bad spelling and humorous bodily functions;

“Gastric” – The ability to fart a tune.

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I can only plead a busy day to explain my lateness, but here’s your alternative definition for the week;

“Circumstance” – The uncomfortable posture one assumes after a Bris ceremony.

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For today’s slightly tardy alternative definition, we enter the misogynistic world of office gossip;

“Temporal” – Euphemism for the “dictation” your wife thinks you’re getting from that new girl in the typing pool.

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It’s time for this week’s exercise in redefinition with the alternative dictionary. Today we focus on professional party poopers;

“Rationale” – (of bar staff) To limit your beer intake.

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We get nautical for today’s entry in the alternative dictionary;

“Substance” – The slightly hunched, head forward position assumed by anyone looking through a periscope.

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