It’s time for this week’s exercise in redefinition with the alternative dictionary. Today we focus on professional party poopers;

“Rationale” – (of bar staff) To limit your beer intake.

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We get nautical for today’s entry in the alternative dictionary;

“Substance” – The slightly hunched, head forward position assumed by anyone looking through a periscope.

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Today’s badly spelled alternative definition is way too energetic for me;

“Absent” – The smell of a gym.

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Once more into the alternative dictionary, my friends, with today’s misspelled missive taking a turn for the medically mathematical;

“Ventricle” – A leaky diagram.

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I’m afraid this week’s alternative definition might go over (or at least around) the heads of all but a few of you*, but you may surprise me, we’ll see;

“Duncan” – Krautrock retirement home.

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*hello, Ho

Today’s alternative definition is fairly straightforward and not terribly funny, but it was too obvious not to use;

“Mendacity” – Urban redevelopment.

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Today’s journey into the world of alternative definitions has a bit of a regal tone;

“Principals” – Friends in the Royal Family.

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I almost forgot it was Wednesday again, hence the last minute entry in the alternative dictionary this week. Today it’s a very specific fashion faux pas that gets its own definition;

“Cacti” – Unattractive neckwear.

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The first one liner Wednesday of the year and nothing has changed, it’s still the place to find your weekly entries in the alternative dictionary. Today it’s another unfortunate medical complaint;

“Poppycock” – Impotence suffered by opiate addicts.

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