Another Wednesday, another entry in the alternative dictionary, this week brought to you by bad spelling and humorous bodily functions;

“Gastric” – The ability to fart a tune.

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I can only plead a busy day to explain my lateness, but here’s your alternative definition for the week;

“Circumstance” – The uncomfortable posture one assumes after a Bris ceremony.

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For today’s slightly tardy alternative definition, we enter the misogynistic world of office gossip;

“Temporal” – Euphemism for the “dictation” your wife thinks you’re getting from that new girl in the typing pool.

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It’s time for this week’s exercise in redefinition with the alternative dictionary. Today we focus on professional party poopers;

“Rationale” – (of bar staff) To limit your beer intake.

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We get nautical for today’s entry in the alternative dictionary;

“Substance” – The slightly hunched, head forward position assumed by anyone looking through a periscope.

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Today’s badly spelled alternative definition is way too energetic for me;

“Absent” – The smell of a gym.

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Once more into the alternative dictionary, my friends, with today’s misspelled missive taking a turn for the medically mathematical;

“Ventricle” – A leaky diagram.

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I’m afraid this week’s alternative definition might go over (or at least around) the heads of all but a few of you*, but you may surprise me, we’ll see;

“Duncan” – Krautrock retirement home.

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*hello, Ho

Today’s alternative definition is fairly straightforward and not terribly funny, but it was too obvious not to use;

“Mendacity” – Urban redevelopment.

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