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One liner Wednesday: Alternative dictionary…

Some words in the alternative dictionary become considerably more innocent in translation than they are in their original form:

“Molestation” – A subway stop for woodland animals.

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One liner Wednesday: Alternative dictionary…

Today’s alternative definition is brought to you by St Patrick, Guinness and “the Craic”, whatever that is;

“Cosmic” – Dressing up like an Irishman.

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One liner Wednesday: Alternative dictionary…

1linerwedsbadgewes.jpgNot sure if today’s alternative definition is going to require a bit of googling on your behalf, but here it is anyway;

“Microscope” – An optical instrument I use for watching the Corvid family.

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One liner Wednesday: Alternative dictionary…

1linerwedsbadgewes.jpgOnce again it’s Wednesday, so it must be time join Linda G Hill for a one liner and to redefine another word from my newly inaugurated alternative dictionary project;

“Notable” – A picnic.

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One liner Wednesday: Alternative dictionary…

1linerwedsbadgewes.jpgSo, having inaugurated my new one liner format last week, I’m hoping you’ll already be in the correct frame of mind to appreciate today’s second salvo of silliness, so here goes;

“Assassination” – A country containing 2 donkeys.

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One liner Wednesday: Sh*t my daughter says…

1linerwedsbadgewes.jpgAudrey talks in her sleep all the time, occasionally having what sound like entire conversations; we often hear her chattering away for five or ten minutes at a time, leaving pauses for what we assume to be answers from her imaginary nocturnal companions.

But it seems as if we may have been mistaken, at least as far as Audrey’s awareness of events is concerned, anyway.

She had been mumbling away quite happily to herself, prior to waking up the other morning, when Rhonda went in to get her up for school and have a quick snuggle. Thinking that she was addressing her, Rhonda responded to one of Audrey’s questions, waking her up in the process. She looked at Rhonda without any obvious surprise and said;

“Oh, I knew I was awake, when I talk in my sleep, nobody answers.”

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One liner Wednesday…

1linerwedsbadgewes.jpgWhilst I wait for a flash of inspiration to provide me with a new format for my weekly one liners, today I’m going to go with a direct quote, followed by a slightly altered advertising slogan to go with it (apologies if the second part makes no sense to non-British readers);

“Wait a minute, so if I take hairspray and I spray it in my apartment, which is all sealed, you’re telling me that affects the ozone layer?” “Yes.” I say, “No way, folks. No way!”

– Donald “the science guy” Trump, West Virginia, 05/05/16.

 

“The future is dim, the future is orange.”

 

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