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One liner Wednesday: Alternative dictionary…

This alternative definition was rattling around in my head when I woke up this morning, I’m not sure why, so I’ve got to use it or it will become the linguistic equivalent of an earworm;

“Chronological” – Deductive reasoning of cackling old women.

#1linerWeds

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Posted by on May 10, 2017 in Humour, One liner Wednesday

 

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K’lee and Dale’s Cosmic Photo Challenge…

Today’s theme, for the weekly creative splurge we like to call K’lee and Dale’s Cosmic Photo Challenge, was chosen by K’lee and it is simply this; The beauty of steel.

I decided to go with ordinary stainless steel cutlery; forks, to be precise, shot from interesting angles or digitally manipulated in (hopefully) interesting ways

See what you think of these.

Now let’s see what metallic masterpieces you have for us.
K’lee’s photos are HERE for your viewing pleasure.

*****

To get involved with the challenge, post a photo to your blog on Monday, add a pingback to this post (or to ) and don’t forget to tag your post #CosPhoChal.

Alternatively, add a link to your blog in the comments of either mine or K’lee’s post and we’ll come and check out your entry.
Any and all effects, editing, Photoshop, Instagram, morphing, collages or whatever other post production techniques you fancy are permitted, (in fact, they’re actively encouraged!) so get creative and turn your photos into artworks for the Cosmic Photo Challenge.
#CosPhoChal

 

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Stream of consciousness Sunday: The Accumulator, part thirty three…

Today’s SoCS post comes to you from the blazing sunshine of our back garden, where I sit listening to the crows scrawking as I prepare to continue this story with the help of Linda G Hill‘s prompt;

” “inter-” Use the prefix “inter-” any way you’d like. “

Alrighty, then…

The Accumulator, part thirty three.

Scene: The director really thinks he’s being clever with the FX now, giving us all the action in one go by using a three way split-screen (you know the sort of thing; gimmicks made “popular” by the likes of cliché-packed international mega-hit 24 and so-so, preachy British spy nonsense, Spooks) so we now see;

Screen One: Adam stands just inside the kitchen, Carlisle’s pistol pointing across the room at the door to the garage, his other hand extended, fingers almost touching the door.

Screen Two: Carlisle’s POV down the darkened hallway. An explosion of light and noise; the assault squad smashing down the front door. A figure advances, weapon pointing straight at the camera.

Screen Three: We watch from the POV of one of the two men stationed in the garage, by the door to the kitchen. We see him count down on his fingers; 3.2.1., then drop his fist in the signal to go and the other man nods and kicks open the door, charging through it as we follow close behind.

Then things happen very fast.

Screen One: From Adam’s POV we see the door to the garage fly open and a masked man in black fatigues bursts into the room, a machine pistol already swinging round to take aim at us.

Too slow.

Adam’s first shot hits him on the bridge of the nose, snapping his head back and spraying blood onto the ceiling. He staggers backwards into the man behind, who is hit in the thigh by the second shot; his gun clattering onto the tiles, he screams and collapses against the door to the garage, slamming it shut as he slides to the floor.

Adam drops the gun and spreads his fingers, arm held stiffly at shoulder height, like a magician adding the final flourish to a particularly impressive illusion; as we see a rippling pulse in the air, seemingly sucked from the falling man’s body into Adam’s open hand and up his arm.

He turns to the hallway door behind him and makes a rapid sweeping gesture in the air, as if pushing something hard to the left, then stands with his hand on the door handle, waiting.

Screen Two: The man with the gun trained on us slows his pace as he approaches, trying to make out details in the gloom. Then, as he reaches the foot of the stairs, a tightly rolled rug is dropped from the landing above, catching him on the shoulder and making him spin round in surprise; just as Carlisle, still strapped to his stool, is sent flying along the slippery floorboards like a human hockey puck, slamming into the man who trips over the rolled up rug and crashes to the floor with Carlisle falling heavily on top of him

Screen Three: We see from a rear view, the first man going through the garage door, as our host follows him into the kitchen; the sudden spray of blood and the impact of lead man’s body as he is thrown into us, the shocked scream as the shot focuses downward, at the bloody wound in our leg, looking up and catching a glimpse of that strange, wavering pulse in the air, seeing the grinning young man turn away, then the picture blurs and fades to black.

The remaining screen is now split two ways and now we see

Screen One: Changing to third person POV, we see Adam go tense at the noises outside and he yanks open the door to the hallway, stepping through then ducking back in immediately as a hail of gunfire smacks into the wall next to his head.

He drops to his knees and leans round the door, snapping off two shots in quick succession before flattening himself against the kitchen wall and listening.

The sound of the squad leader, still struggling to extricate himself from beneath Carlisle and his accompanying stool, is all that can be heard from outside the door and the camera floats past Adam and gives us a view down the hallway, at which point the images of screens one and two converge and screen two expands to fill our vision.

Scene: The camera drifts towards the writhing pile of bodies and tubular chrome furniture, coming to rest above them just as the man underneath manages to roll Carlisle off him and raise his gun.

Which is when the second rolled up rug hits him square in the face, breaking his nose and banging his skull on the floor with a horrible cracking noise.

After a few seconds of silence, Patrick and Cathy peer around the banister, then cautiously descend the stairs to survey the carnage below.

As Patrick kicks the fallen man’s gun away from his slack fingers and Cathy attempts to untangle the furiously thrashing Carlisle, the camera swings round and heads back to the kitchen, where we find Adam stripping off the dead man’s clothes. Patrick enters the room, while from the hallway we hear Carlisle swearing profusely; Cathy has obviously removed the tape from his mouth.

It has been a little over a minute since the assault began.

Patrick goes straight to the unconscious second man and starts to pull off his black jacket, when there is a deafening burst of automatic gunfire from the hall.

He turns to see Adam, gun in hand, running for the door, but he is only halfway across the room before Cathy appears in the doorway, a machine pistol hanging limply from one hand, her face a deathly white.

When she speaks, her voice shakes, as though she is barely holding herself together. 

“Th-there were two m-more of them. They must’ve come in th-through the li-living r-room window. I only p-pulled the trigger o-once…”

Patrick hurries over to her and takes the gun from her unresisting fingers and the camera drifts past them to look back down the blood-spattered hallway, as the screen fades to black.

*****

Scene: Outside, the police watch “special forces” go into the house, remaining where they are, even when gun shots can be heard from inside. When the second, sustained burst of gunfire is heard, one or two of the armed officers look at each other uncomfortably, but orders were orders so they hold their positions and wait.

Ten minutes later – Some impatient muttering amongst the police is silenced by a shout from an officer with the best view of the front door and a moment later the assault squad emerge from the house, masks still in place.

Two of the men are clearly injured and are each being supported by a pair of their comrades, who quickly assist them (somewhat roughly, witnesses said later) into the back of the black van. Two of the men then climb into the front seats and the van backs slowly out of the driveway and turns to face up the street, where it sits with the engine idling until someone gets the message.

The officer in charge takes one look at the intense stare of the masked man behind the wheel of the van and gets the message straight away. He quickly orders one of the cars blocking the road to be moved, allowing the assault squad to drive off without any further inconvenience. 

He watches the van stop at the end of the street, where it turns left and vanishes from sight, then the bewildered officer heaves a sigh of relief and turns back to his men.

“Ok you lot, you know what to do; make the scene secure and then we just wait for the anti-terror boys to arrive…”

They will be waiting for a long time.

*************

To be continued (using next week’s prompt {which can now be found HERE})…

#SoCS

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Cosmic Photo prompt…

K’lee is choosing the theme for this week’s prompt, so it’s up to him what Monday’s edition of K’lee and Dale’s Cosmic Photo Challenge looks like.

He has chosen a twist on last week’s prompt and gone with; The beauty of steel.

Shiny, rusty, galvanised, stainless, blue, mild, there are a all sorts to choose from, so cast your steely gaze over the possibilities and show us your metal on Monday.

*****

To get involved with the challenge, post a photo to your blog on Monday, add a pingback to this post (or to K’lee’s) and don’t forget to tag your post #CosPhoChal.

Alternatively, add a link to your blog in the comments of either mine or K’lee’s post and we’ll come and check out your entry.

Any and all effects, editing, Photoshop, Instagram, morphing, collages or whatever other post production techniques you fancy are permitted, (in fact, they’re actively encouraged!) so get creative and turn your photos into artworks for the Cosmic Photo Challenge.

#CosPhoChal

 

One liner Wednesday: Alternative dictionary…

Today’s alternative definition might cause a few double takes, I know it almost made me spit my coffee out when it floated into my mind this morning;

“Bestiality” – Very good friends, with benefits.

#1linerWeds
Pingback to Linda G Hill.

 
 

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Stream of consciousness (not)Sunday: The Accumulator, part thirty two…

Bank holiday Monday is the new Sunday, as far as my SoCS posts are concerned, anyway, so let’s see what Linda G Hill left as a prompt for us on Friday, with which to continue this strange tale;

” “yard.” Use it any way you’d like. You can even add letters to it to make a whole new word! “

That shouldn’t present too much of a problem…

The Accumulator, part thirty two.

Scene: Patrick and Cathy’s living room. Patrick is sitting in an armchair by the fireplace while Carlisle is lying face down on the sofa facing him, with his arms tied behind his back and his ankles tied together, a length of parcel tape stuck firmly over his mouth. Adam watches Carlisle from his position at the window overlooking the small back yard and Patrick smokes silently, staring into the fire.

From our vantage point at the end of the room, we can also see across the hallway and into the kitchen, where Cathy keeps watch on the street outside, perched on a stool by the window.

It is half an hour ago.

As the camera drifts towards the centre of the room, Patrick checks the clock on the mantlepiece and stands up, flicking his cigarette into the hearth in a shower of sparks. He walks over and rips the tape off Carlisle’s mouth in one swift movement, ignoring the grunt of pain and bending down so that his face is level with the incapacitated hit man.

“We had better be getting ready, if you think they’re coming at ten, that is. You wouldn’t be lying about that, would you?”

Carlisle glares at him for a second, working his jaw to try and ease the stiffness in the raw skin around his mouth.

“That’s the usual procedure after this long without contact. If they haven’t come by now, it means they’ve got someone keeping an eye on the place and know I’m still in here. Looks like they don’t trust me as much they said.”

“Well you better hope they still have your health and safety as their priority, because otherwise you might be in for a very abrupt retirement.”

“I’ve no interest in making life difficult for you, it’s not like I’m going anywhere, is it?”

“Oh no, perish the thought, you were just going to brutally murder us all for money, not do anything that would make life difficult for us, that’s a relief.”

The scathing tone in Cathy’s voice as she enters the room gets a chuckle from Adam, but elicits no further response from Carlisle, who merely shrugs and stares blankly back at her.

“There’s a black van a little way up the road, it hasn’t moved for hours and I just saw someone in the driver’s seat who wasn’t there earlier. I can’t see who it is, but they’re just sitting there, I don’t like it.”

Patrick looks at Carlisle and sees something in his face that tells him all he needs to know.

“Ok, that’s them. You all know what to do.”

Leaving Carlisle on the sofa, Patrick walks into the kitchen and peers through the blinds at the van, parked about thirty meters away on the other side of the road from the house. The driver’s window is open but the angle of sunlight on the windscreen makes it impossible to see who is at the wheel. 

He turns to see Adam placing a stool outside the kitchen, facing down the length of the hallway, as Cathy comes out of the living room, closing the door behind her. The camera follows Cathy as she walks down the hall, closing doors to the dining room and cloakroom, then drawing the curtains across the window next to the front door. She stops on the way back, picking up two thick rugs which cover the shiny laminate flooring, leaving them rolled up at the foot of the stairs. 

After Cathy rejoins the others, Patrick pulls the kitchen door closed so they are plunged into near-darkness and Adam nods with satisfaction.

“That should do it; coming in from the bright sunshine they’ll be practically blind for a few seconds, that’s all I need.”

“I hope so, otherwise we’re screwed.”

“Oh ye of little faith, Patrick, I’m hurt at your lack of confidence in me.”

“Just stick to the plan and we might get out of this alive. Cathy, time to get you upstairs.”

Taking one of the heavy rugs each, Patrick and Cathy head up the stairs, as we follow Adam into the living room; where we see that Carlisle has managed to roll off the sofa, only to get himself wedged underneath the glass coffee table, and he still lies there like some sort of bizarre and furious museum exhibit.

“Hahaha, is that your best attempt at an escape, you’ve really made a pig’s ear out of that, haven’t you?”

Adam stops, raises his arm and, much to Carlisle’s surprise, the steel and glass table lifts smoothly into the air and hangs there, swaying gently, a foot from the ceiling. Adam reaches down and hauls the Department man from beneath the hovering table by his bound ankles, then glances up and makes a small gesture with his hand. The table sinks slowly down, hitting the floor with nothing more than a soft thud and a rattle of an ashtray on the glass top.

Adam bows with a dramatic flourish and grins at the scowling assassin.

“You’re welcome. Now, it’s time for your big moment. Patrick are you ready?”

“I’m here, let’s do this…Shit!

This last exclamation is a reaction to the sudden noise of approaching sirens in the street outside, followed by the sound of screeching brakes and car doors slamming.

Moving quickly now, Patrick and Adam grab Carlisle, carry him out of the living room and place him on the stool facing the front door. They sit him with his arms tied behind the stool’s low back and Adam shoves a broom handle between the two, meaning he can’t lift his arms free, even if he stands up. 

Then Patrick heads for the stairs, vanishing around the corner on the first landing as Adam ducks into the kitchen and closes the door, leaving Carlisle alone once more, in the dark.

Which is when the front door crashes open and all hell breaks loose.

***********

To be continued (using next week’s prompt {Which can now be found HERE)…

#SoCS

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K’lee and Dale’s Cosmic Photo Challenge…

Hello there, welcome to a slightly later, holiday edition of K’lee and Dale’s Cosmic Photo Challenge, today hosted by me and my prompt; The beauty of wood.

I chose to go with a completely straight interpretation of the theme and found some simple shots of natural wood to fit the bill.

K’lee was even later than me at posting for a change, but his post is now HERE

Now it’s your turn, if you wood be so kind…

*****

To get involved with the challenge, post a photo to your blog on Monday, add a pingback to this post (or to K’lee’s) and don’t forget to tag your post #CosPhoChal.
Alternatively, add a link to your blog in the comments of either mine or K’lee’s post and we’ll come and check out your entry.

Any and all effects, editing, Photoshop, Instagram, morphing, collages or whatever other post production techniques you fancy are permitted, (in fact, they’re actively encouraged!) so get creative and turn your photos into artworks for the Cosmic Photo Challenge.

#CosPhoChal

 

Tags: , , , ,

 
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