RSS

Zippy’s second adventure…

This story is linked from A pooh-fect storm… and is written by guest contributor, Richard ” Zippy ” Thorns.

An Ill Wind.

With a name like ‘Fish’ you don’t, it could be argued, have an awful lot going for you. You could, for example, find yourself going on stage wearing a lawnmower on your head (or something), painting your face and blethering on about coffee stains on a magpie’s beermat.
Or you could find yourself one of the most respected meteorologists on National television, only to find yourself shot down in flames on the wrong side of an inexplicitly long-shot bet when the biggest storm in British history blows into town. Which of course was exactly what happened when poor Michael Fish gently derided a lady who rang the BBC to say that a hurricane was on its way. The hurricane blew down hundreds of thousands of trees, demolished buildings and even came dangerously near to providing a distraction from a darts final down at the Wheatsheaf (actually that last bit isn’t true because it was about 2am when the Great Storm arrived). But it was what greeted the residents of Kent and Sussex the next day that provided a distraction from life as we knew it.
Trees lay benign in the road, fences lay strewn about like matchsticks and the whole of the Southern Counties provided a dystopian scenario not unlike the set of a new episode of Doctor Who, although perhaps not quite as expensive. Planes were grounded, buses were cancelled, Field-Buss newsagents gave a thought to closing, and of course nobody could get into work. That’s where Zippy comes in; you might remember Zippy, who test-flew into Chris’s garden whilst jumping over the back fence, only to find out in mid-air that the house was built on a rise. Of course, noble Zippy decided that a little thing like a hurricane wasn’t going to stop him getting into work at Hoopers Department Store (well, underpants don’t exactly sell themselves, you understand). And so, after waiting an hour for a (non-existent) bus, Zippy supposed that (a) maybe a tree between Brighton and Crowborough might have fallen on the road after all or (b) section 6 subsection b of the Union of Bus Drivers advised: “stick the kettle on and go back to bed.”
Zippy wandered down Frant Road for two miles as far as Boars Head where a kindly driver stopped and instead of saying: “You’re mad” drove him as far as Snake Hill where the first fallen tree hove into view (ironic, really, as Hove was probably where the bus was). The driver of the car wished Zippy luck at getting into work at Hoopers without laughing, and drove away. Zippy went down Snake Hill, clambering over trees, ducking under trees, going around trees as far as Tunbridge Wells six miles away to be met with something not unlike a scene from 28 Days Later.
But less attractive.

Now, “The shops were shut” is an expression you might hear from time to time; “The town was shut” is a bit rarer on the ear. Zippy stood, ramrod straight against all the fallen detritus, chewing air, and decided to trek to the centre of Tunbridge Wells where the signs read as follows: Boots – CLOSED DUE TO ADVERSE WEATHER CONDITIONS. Millets (one doesn’t wish to be pedantic, but surely if anyone could cope, they could) – CLOSED DUE TO ADVERSE WEATHER CONDITIONS. Everybody else trading in the town mad enough to come in and put a sign on the door – CLOSED DUE TO ADVERSE WEATHER CONDITIONS. The Orson Wells (a pub run by a Geordie) – CLORSED. Hoopers (purveyor of Hugo Boss nasal clips and Louis Vuitton tea-cosies) – “We really are awfully sorry but we’re obliged to close the doors to our valued customers until the situation improves. And please don’t go to Harrods.” And so it came to pass that Zippy had to make his way once again away from the battered buildings, through the battered town and once more take off on The Road that went back to the quest that only one man can take to change the future and in whose hands the whole destiny of… (sorry, got a bit carried away there) went back to Crowborough: over his trees and under his trees and round all his trees in reverse order, and all the way back to Crowborough seven miles away once more. A grand total of nine hours later, he then found his mates who, naturally, were all in the pub and who said “where have you been?” Probably adding, somewhat unhelpfully: “and your suit looks a bit like Frankenstein’s.” Zippy’s answer is sadly lost both to history and to Harvey’s Best. Perhaps it’s better that way.

You can follow Zippy, (Richard Thorns) and his search for the Pink Headed Duck, here.

 

2 responses to “Zippy’s second adventure…

  1. jerseylil

    June 17, 2013 at 07:21

    Wow, Michael Fish must have had his head stuck in the deep blue sea with the fishes because he really missed the mark on that storm! (Saw the video, he was so calm.) Zippy’s adventure is very funny, quite entertaining. Great ending “and your suit looks a bit like Frankenstein’s.” LOL!

     
    • dalecooper57

      June 17, 2013 at 08:37

      He’s* a talented writer. Check out his novel, “Gravenhead” online.

      *Richard Thorns

       

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
cmsaunders

The online presence of dark fiction writer C.M. Saunders

Timeandreflections

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect"

Little Fears

Tales of whimsy, humour and courgettes

JOHNNY SPANGLES THE PILE

The random thoughts of a very troublesome haemorrhoid on travel, art, sport, bad dogs, good cats and other fake news...

The Lessons

that time forgot to teach

SOZ SATIRE

The Best of British Bullshit

Step-Parent's Sanctuary

The Stories Behind those (not so) Perfect Family Photos

Ellenbest24

words and scribble.

sloppybuddhist

hedy bach photography mixed stories and music

Isabella Morgan

Opinions not otherwise specified

A Life in Transition

Poetry & Fiction

The Bee Writes...

.... don't expect anything...not even the unexpected...

Author Kyle Perkins

The latest and greatest of my documented daydreams

Luca Sartoni

Protector of Asynchronicity at Automattic

RAFA FARIHAH

Express With Panache.

Pages That Rustle

The journey from words to stories.

trickyemotions

For your mind only!

Waruni Anuruddhika

Film and photography

An Artist's Path

A space for creative seekers.

3nions

Learn WordPress & SEO from the beginning...

Tyler Charles Austen

Foul mouthed, Queer and Angry

balloonfacetrace

The facepainting and balloon twisting lady

Jamaica Ponder

...only a little bit famous

Art by Rob Goldstein

There is no common truth

Kristin King Author

True Story...

bluchickenninja

graphic designer // bibliophile // geek

thegirlwhofearoblivion

To Share, To Connect, To Create, To Inspire.

unbolt me

the literary asylum

swo8

Music means something

Broken Castles

Shattered long ago...

Joshi Daniel Photography

Images of People Photoblog

iamthemilk

Every day I'm jugglin'.

The Write Project

"The answer is to write." - Richard Rhodes

b e t u n a d a

I'm interested in THE GLUE BETWEEN THINGS. "Back on planet URTH" i search for and study desert wombats and inukThingies (they're like inukshuks) while rambling in the high desert of western Colorawdough.

Seabornen

enthusiast photography

bizchair.wordpress.com/

Stop Yearning, Start Earning

Sass and Sauce

A dash of sass, a dollop of sauce!

The Dissatis Faction

An immersive curation of culture for artists and wanderers of the web

A Whispered Wind

The Works of Lori Carlson

%d bloggers like this: